Alcohol to hide the hurt

Alcohol became my "normal" in life. I would spend every week-end partying and getting high. The "special cigarettes" I would sometimes smoke became a nice way to keep my buzz when my part-time waitress job failed to give me the funds to afford my first love of alcohol. It didn't help that I had fallen into a crowd that were older than I and could sit around and drink and smoke all day if they felt. The week-end partying started to turn into week-day partying. I started skipping school to party instead. Why would I want to go to school and deal with the pressures of trying to fit in,the harsh words of teen-age bullying and drama when I could feel comfortable getting drunk and fitting in with others who where just like me? It wasn't long and I was called into the principals office on one of the days I actually attended school. I was scolded for missing so many days of school and then given a choice...to either drop out of school with "dignity" or be expelled. Drop out with dignity???? Now I look back at those words and think to myself what a stupid thing to say. Dropping out of school is not dignified. But at the time I was given this choice the answer was not hard. I said a big "F-U" to that school and headed straight for a bottle. I didn't care. That's what I told myself. Drinking helped me not care, but deep down inside I did care. It hurt to admit that I screwed up. Drinking became my self-defense to all these painful emotions that I didn't want to feel. You can't hurt me....I'm DRUNK and I DON'T CARE became my motto.